Making Friends While Losing Games: A Board Gamer’s Ballad
Nat, 10 years ago…
More than ten years ago I bothered the owner of the Interactivity Board Game Cafe enough that he gave me a job. At the time, I was a broke theatre student and it made perfect sense to get a job at a place I already spent so much of my time. There, I learned to love games even more than I already did! While I grew up playing Payday and Trivial Pursuit, I expanded my range to be able to teach and recommend new games. I played classics like Ticket to Ride and Catan (both decent family games that I’ve since grown out of) and learned new - at the time - games like Splendor (love and own it), Codenames (still one of my most recommended), and Patchwork (I hate this game, but that’s a personal choice). Throughout my gaming growth, I appreciated two things above all others: the people I played with and even more than that, the players who would explain the rules. That’s how I met Chris!
Chris 10 years ago…
When the Board Game Cafe in Victoria first opened, the owners wanted a few folks to come in, recommend games and teach them to folks. The idea of helping the cafe grow and be successful was appealing - I had after all spent a whole day wheeling over the entire contents of the old shop across downtown. I was just beginning Enigmatic Events at the time, and teaching games was a great experience. I am a natural introvert and talking to strangers is something I used to dislike. But I couldn’t be in the events industry and not be able to talk to anyone! Teaching at the cafe helped me learn how to be a host, how to be patient in teaching, how to break down rules so that folks can get playing, and how to listen to people’s unspoken needs. And I learned there was a need for folks to try new games with a hands-on teacher for the evening. So we set up a night for people to drop in knowing what game was going to be taught. One night it was Railroad Tycoon. That’s how I met Nat.
From then on, we would learn and teach games frequently. Chris taught me my favourite train game (Trans America) and we stayed up late playing games with the work crew on more than one occasion. Granted, I started by being very bad at most games. Strategic planning and (YUCK!) maths are not my strong suit, so there were a lot of losses, but Chris and my fellow players always started the next game with a smile and offered to play again! Sure, I’d be salty sometimes, but the fact that I was able to spend time and enjoy an activity with friends meant my mood could never be too sour. As I spent more time at work and at school, I got comfortable teaching others games with a theatrical flare. Through the power of boardgames, we became friends and our business partnership blossomed!
Of course, not every boardgame crew is going to create a collective or an incorporated business, but I am not alone in believing gaming fosters friendships. The University of Plymouth’s recent study suggests that boardgames in particular “enhance wellbeing, foster inclusion, and support learning.” Boardgames take all kinds, and anyone can learn to play! When we sit down and set out our meeples, we are not expected to chat about the weather or our job. This can relieve the anxiety of the social interaction known as “small talk” and allow us to concentrate on a combined activity. Deviating from daily expected stress to focus on fun can increase emotional and cognitive capacities in the long term.
Day of Boardgamers July 2026!
When it comes to learning games, it is unlikely you will win every time. I had to learn the hard way that my mum had probably been giving me the easy Pie questions. Coming to terms with being bad is a journey! Losing can suck - it increases cortisol (stress hormone) levels and makes us feel crappy. What helps, though, is having people around you to pull you out of your stress. Even when meeting new gamers, losing at a table full of friendly faces can help you take the L - and while people might be jealous of the winner, losing can build sympathy and connection. When I lost my first game of Trans America (very badly), Chris and our other player offered me some tips for next time! So, while I wallowed for a moment, the immediate allyship hoisted me out of the slump.
With games being such a wonderful social lubricant, curating a space for them to be played is an obvious priority for us at Enigmatic Events Collective. By hosting events like Day of Boardgamers, we facilitate these interactions. We provide a space to lay out boards, options for social games where people can meet new folks, and always try to have sign up sheets where players can join games! There is never pressure to talk about the local sports team; you can always go back to the strategy at hand - and if you need help on your way to a W, our friendly neighbourhood gamers are happy to teach. Our best hope for this event every six months is that someone leaves having made a new friend. The games are the entry point to a further connection. It doesn’t matter if folks win or lose, it is in fact about the friends we make along the way!
